When Caitlyn died, I spent a week feeling what I now know was numb. I had my bad moments, but I was also able to have fun and enjoy myself.
Then the week after… I was the biggest wreck ever. I couldn’t do anything
And the week after that.
Finally, I’ve ben able to think of Caitlyn and not…
When I lost my dad a few years ago I felt the exact same way and in a way I still do. The hurt never fades, death sticks with you throughout your life. But not in the way you think. It’s not a darkness that covers you and makes you depressed, it’s a lesson and it’s the best that could ever be learned. Life is so very short and you could die at any second, but not only that but that those around you could do the same. Live life to the fullest, love everyone around you, and cherish every waking moment.
When you feel the urge to do something, whether it’s painting or cooking or even just reading a book in the middle of the night, do it. That’s a good thing, that means that even though you haven’t figured it out yet your subconscious already knows what’s going on and what to do. Trust it, give in to those weird urges (though not the really dumb ones), love everyone, be kind, and cherish all things.
Just remember that the lesson of death isn’t dark, it’s very much light.